Monday, September 15, 2008

It's called English y'all.

Most of you attended or graduated college. I’m fairly confident in saying that all of you graduated from high school. And I would wager that a good deal of you use the English language just about everyday. Whether it’s something jotted down on a post-it note, a hilarious comment/wall post, or a term paper, you also use this thing called English, or something you consider to be close enough.

In this world of text messages, emails, instant messaging, and other casually digital forms of communication, the advance in technology has led to the decline in the proper application of language. I’m a firm believer in the idea of use it or lose it. So, when the day comes that you’re putting together your resume, emailing your boss about a raise, or diving into the blog-o-sphere, wouldn’t you prefer that what you write at least appear intelligent, cohesive, and memorable (for the right reasons)? I don’t care if you were the #1 producer in whatever field you work in, putting that information on your resume with tragic grammar is a lot like serving a perfect crème brulée in a sweaty sports cup.

For those of you who slacked off during high school or too hung-over during college, please consider the next 5 minutes you spend reading this your English crash course. These few simple rules can guarantee that you won’t make blindingly stupid mistakes, as for the content make like Bon Jovi cause you’re livin' on a prayer.

-Your v. you’re is probably my biggest pet peeve in English. You’re stupid if your little brain can’t figure out the difference. Psst… 1 is possessive and 1 is a contraction. ;)

-There/their/they’re is another jumbled, hot mess of English. There is a group of pigeons eating puke. Their breath is going to stink. They’re disgusting.

-Subject verb agreement is another biggy in my book. Where is the books? It hurts my fingers to even type it… Where ARE the books?

-Accept v. except. Some may think this is a potato-potato debate, but there is a notable difference. I accept the flaws in others, except bad grammar.

-It’s (it is) v its (possessive). It’s rude to watch a dog lick its… you know…

Now, this isn’t an all inclusive list of the things that should/need to be fixed, and I am also guilty of the occasional typo and/or oversight. But like most things being marketed these days to the inquiring masses, good grammar is sexy. Nothing would make a prospect’s stock fall faster than if he or she spoke or wrote like an idiot. I don’t care if you look like the love child of Catherine Zeta-Jones and George Clooney; bad grammar is a turn off. If it talks like a fool and writes like a fool…

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