Monday, July 18, 2011

UPDATED: planking + owling, your time is up

I mean planking was fun when Rosario Dawson and Ellen Paige were doing it. Then everybody, everywhere was doing it like it was the Cupid Shuffle and I was drunk at a wedding reception.

Then someone was like, "oh this is slavery related," and people were all, "that's not cool."

You hear that, Ellen Paige?! Slavery = not cool.

So, someone came up with 'owling.'

Hilary Duff and others jumped on the band wagon, yet again, and the Interned exploded with tons of pictures of people awkwardly hunched over staring into the woods. Then shortly after that, I got bored again...

So, this past Saturday I stumbled upon the newest, most awesome trend ever.

It is called 'wigging.'

Also known as 'weaving.' I say 'known,' but this is a relatively unknown thing, but it is trend I want to get started and I'm sure it will take off like wildfire. Much like using a flame thrower near a fireworks stand.

All you have to do is find a woman with long beautiful hair, walk up behind her, and gracefully drape her hair over your hair as if it were your own.

I can't possibly stress how important it is for this woman to look clean and healthy, because lice was only cool in Pre-K. I guess it would help if you know her personally, but legally speaking, this is by no means a requirement.

If your efforts are successful, you will have a picture that looks THIS awesome.

Something about this felt so familiar. So I reviewed my old pictures. Turns out, this guy has been 'wigging' for over three years now. Here I am 'ginger weaving':

Warning! Pay attention y'all. This warning is in bold AND italics. "Ginger wigging" is NOT for beginners. Since they were born soulless, anytime you approach a ginger, they will most likely always try to steal your soul while you are tangled up in their straw-like locks.

UPDATE: When wigging with artificial hair, be careful. Sometimes it goes VERY wrong. Read here.

UPDATE 2.0: So, I am disappointed that wigging has yet to trend on twitter or be reinterpreted by any major celebrities, but my friend, Dan, is dead set on keeping owling alive. This Labor Day weekend, at a fun poolside cocktail event, he brought it to whole new level: stealth owling. If you don't appreciate this as much as I do, you probably aren't a person.

Being that my friend is working against my efforts of wigging, he should probably, more accurately be labeled my nemesis... or at least frenemy. Are people still saying 'frenemy'? Alas! I love and respect him for his dedication too much.


Shane Pilgrim said...

It's a little known fact that the hair of gingers (Gingus horribilus) serves several purposes. First of all, it functions as a means of defense...much like the poison arrow frogs in the Amazon rain forest, the bright colors and trademark red hue are a warning to potential predators, mates, and friends. Also, should a ginger feel threatened by an outsider, their hair will take on a life of its own. The intruder is ensnared within the locks and once the prey is unable to escape, the ginger will suck the soul of the unfortunate victim. Therefore, you are very brave to engage in "ginger wigging".

Haha, just kidding. Redheads are good people. I don't understand how I never heard of owling, but I like it much more than planking.

Anna said...

Just did a post on the stupidity surrounding planking, myself. Mine featured people insane enough to stick their damn heads in toilets to plank. WTH people!

Anonymous said...

hahahaha this is awesome!

Stephanie said...

I'm pretty sure that children all over the world have been wiggling forever. At least girls who know how to work the angles. :-P

Kathy said...

LOL wigging I like that.

Kristen said...

I'm a risk taker. I'll go for a ginger right off the bat. Just try and stop me.

Tiffani said...

I'd probably have to steal a soul or two if someone tried to "weave" with my hair. :P

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