Wednesday, November 26, 2008

opt to adopt

You know, two things have really reddened my rump over the past few days. States across the nation are voting to ban same-sex couples from adopting and/or serving as foster parents to children. What are they afraid of? It isn’t that they would join the ranks of Michelle Kehoe’s child throat slashing, that sick UK dad who had 27-year career of raping his daughters, and unwed teens across the nation subjecting their children to be raised by grandparents, is it?There obviously isn’t a license to breed.

There are no standards or qualifications that entitle two individuals to have the ability to bump uglies and make a human being. Unfortunately, it’s not possible for two men or two women to just make a child. Being that In Vitro and other alternative conception procedures are outrageously expensive and difficult, same sex couples are forced to pour their love selflessly into the discarded children of others.

Being adopted and gay, I really don’t have a hard and fast stance on the issue. I believe my life is better because of those two ‘labels’, but I also have an extraordinary family. I cannot deny that there are complications to any adoption or foster care situation, but until there is legislation that requires breeders to register to procreate, lets not make leaps and bounds towards keeping caring, financially stable, and, oh my, GAY individuals from stepping in where the straights fail in astronomical proportions!

On a side note, I was watching a discovery channel or something last night about couples who were/are spending tens of thousands of dollars to have children. I believe in overcoming challenges in conception, but you know, sometimes it’s just NOT in the cards for your uterus. Stop being so self-lovingly proud of your genes and freaking ADOPT a child who needs more love than you will ever know!!! Hell, do what my parents did and crank out some biological children and throw another log on the fire and adopt! If you ask my parents, it keeps life interesting...

On another side note, if you ever think you would lack the patience or self control and would strike/abuse/torture/kill your children, please, go sit on a microwave or get a lot of X-Rays (sans lead protection) and stop your eggs/sperm while you're still ahead...

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Greener Grass

They say the grass is always greener on the other side, but for me, grass is grass. Being the new, ripe old(er) age of 23, I seem to have put every aspect of my life on a scale or some measuring bar that (in my mind) is always just a bit too high. Why can’t I, and everyone else, just look at the present and be happy with or deal with it? People constantly look back with regret or longing of ‘better times,’ or fix their eyes ahead to what can be (and seems) better.

What caused this personal philosophical revelation? A zit. That’s right, I work up this morning and had a pimple on my face so massively vile, I wanted to call into work to hide my tumor. So, I was thinking to myself, “Vanity, when you’re older and handsome you won’t have to deal with youthful acne!” But, at what price? I’ll trade in my Clearasil for Botox. So, what’s worse? Let’s face it, even if your teenage face doesn’t look like a pizza, eventually it will look like a knee.

So, as appealing of a subject it is, enough about my face. I have been in the ‘real world’ of tax-paying, time-card punching, and insurance paying for about 2 years now, and I can’t decide if I miss ‘college life’ or not. Sure, it was fun partying all the time with a Devil may care. But, I can’t even do that anymore. The other weekend I went out and made it home about 4 AM and almost died the next day. Two things occurred to me, I’m getting older and can’t really party like a Rock Star anymore, and I am LAME! It’s not like I don’t have a great time going out with my friends, but sometimes at the stroke of midnight, I just wanna pull a Cinderella and rush home to be on my couch in my underwear watching 30 Rock.

This is pretty pointless post, but I just think it’s weird that we can’t just be satisfied with and live in the now. There’s always something we had that we look back on or something we want that lie ahead. So, I guess I’ll try to stay content with the present, zits and all…

Monday, November 24, 2008

(un)Merry Christmas

This morning I was browsing through CNN’s mess of articles, and found myself in the Health section. If you’ve turned on a television, tuned into any adult contemporary radio station, or strolled through the retail hell that is any mall in America, you’re aware of the fact that the holiday season is upon us. The article was about a woman who got laid off of her job and her sob story that she won’t be able to buy presents this year and how guilty she felt…

Boo-Radley-Hoo! I mean, yes, it is sad, but this woman (I’m guessing) is just another credit riding, shop-til-you-drop Americans who have driven themselves into debt and didn’t ask questions. This woman was saying how she had to forgo buying Christmas presents in order to pay her electric bill and other necessities. I’m glad she’s smart enough to understand the true importance of priorities, but still, and I hate to sound like some Holiday after school special, this lady still doesn’t really understand what Christmas is all about.

I mean, she lost her job, and I can’t imagine how much that sucks, but what about the fact that she and her family are in perfect health (the article didn’t say otherwise), her husband is still employed, and they have a roof over their heads. That’s a lot more than some people can say. So, lady, I don’t think your submission video to Extreme Home Makeover will make the cut this year, not having an XBOX 360 or 2008’s Tickle-Me-Elmo under your tree doesn’t really qualify as a tragedy.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Texans do it right.

20 years? Really? A soldier in the US Army was convicted of multiple rapes and murders back when I was 3 years old. He has been on death row for the better part of the past 2 decades. When his body should have been worm food and long forgotten, this sad excuse for a human being got to see the birth of the Internet, the advent of the iPod, 9/11, and Miley Cirus’s sick rise to fame from the comfort of his cell.

Now, I’m about 4 years shy of my legal degree, but I used to watch the Practice and Law & Order (the original) religiously. Although I understand that convicted criminals have some sort of appeal process that has to factor in new evidence and the occasional guest star DA who is hard up for some fierce justice, but 20 years? Really? Shouldn’t he get 1 or 2 appeals if there is substantial new evidence or the aforementioned guest star? If he’s still guilty, bang the gavel, take him behind the court house, pull the trigger, and donate what’s left of his body to medical research!

Per the article, this sub-human was convicted in military and civilian courts for 2 murders, 1 attempted murder, and 5 rapes. Since that time, he has been eating, showering, working out, and watching TV all on tax dollars I would rather spend painting stripes on dirt roads. Sick! From now on, those tacky bumper stickers should read, “I Support the Troops!* (except for Pvt. Ronald Gray and the other 9 A-Holes on military death row).”

So, let me scream it loud and clear, thank goodness for George W. Bush! I can’t believe I just typed/said that… it kind of hurt my teeth/fingers… Anyway, only a President from the Lone Star State would have stamped his approval on giving what this man has coming to him! Texans do it right: big hair, great universities, Kelly Clarkson, and, of course my favorite: capital punishment.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

John = Work In Progress

So, it’s not like I’m NOT happy with my life, cause it’s pretty great. I just always believe that even with great things, there’s always room for improvement. I know you’re asking yourself, “how could he get any better?” But, I take a chance with me and believe it’s possible. So, in my own little chicken-scratch, I’ve written a semi-comprehensive list of “20 To-Dos.” Being that the holidays are around the corner and most New Year’s Resolutions will be forgotten before the air is out of the party balloons, I haven’t just compiled a list. I have put together an out an out action plan! Here are a few of the highlights (I doubt you wanna read all 20).

-Pursue actual hobbies. When you meet new people they always ask what you do for fun. I’m pretty tired of the standard, ‘movies, hanging out, going out…’ I want a REAL hobby. Maybe a recreational team sport or Dungeon’s & Dragons group… I know yet.

-Stay in touch with people better. As much as I love MySpace, Facebook, and the power of a great text message, what ever happened to good ole fashioned meaningful phone calls, cards, or letters? The art of correspondence has truly died. Not sure if I’ll start writing more letters, but I might.

-Stop chasing the uncatchable. Most children were raised with the idea that anything is possible. Well, for the most part it is. I’m just tired of wasting time day-dreaming or living a life of what-ifs and not really doing anything about them. Even if this one is a bit pessimistic, I would rather forget about a dream than waste time/mental energy on things that will be filed away under ‘Regrets’ when I’m on my death bed.

-Understand not all social engagements require a drink. Now, I’m not saying that I’m an alcoholic, but it’s become second nature to always crack open a bottle of wine or order a drink at the drop of a hat.

-Start journaling again. I did this once before, and it was stolen with my book bag when some POS broke into my car. Anyway, (not bitter), blogging is great and all, but there are so many personal things I want/need to write about that any blog reader probably doesn’t care about. Really, it’s not that interesting.

-Stop letting the actions of others control my mood. I’m not sure it’s because I am sensitive (I doubt it) or I just care to much (also doubt it), but I have more buttons than an airplane cockpit that I just let people push them buttons like a Ms. Pac-Man machine. Whether it’s a friend who does something or annoying or a complete stranger who is just plain repulsive, why should I let these people take the skip out of step?!

So, work in progress (remember there are 15 I didn’t even put on here!)

Monday, November 10, 2008

movie rant

So, this weekend some friends and I went to see ‘Role Models.’ It’s delightfully irreverent, tacky, and vulgar. I honestly think I lost brain cells watching the movie, but it was pure hilarity and (to steal a word from a friend’s dictionary) awesomenicity. All in all, not quite Superbad or 40-Year-Old Virgin, but Scott and Rudd are totally worth the $10.

Anyway, I’m no movie critic, I judge PEOPLE. I know I have posted about this at some point, but I cannot get this message across any clearer. RATED-R movies are for adults or older looking teenagers. Even if you are of age, does that make it ok to bring your kids who AREN’T to vulgar films? What sort of parent thinks its ok to expose their children to such explicit entertainment? It makes me want to vomit! I mean, in all fairness, people in general probably shouldn’t be going to extremely vulgar/graphic movies, but I’m 22 and can make these decisions of poor taste on my own.

So, parents, if you are going because you want to see it and can’t find someone to keep your kid alive for 2 whole hours, don’t go to the movies and drag your impressionable child along to hear the F Bombs drop like Baghdad, boobies (yes, unfortunately, boobies), and/or violent, senseless gore. If your kid wants to go, you give him or her a slap in the face for thinking you were stupid enough that you would take an 11 year old to see a Rated-R movie!

People always complain about the violence/sex/vulgarity in the media. Well, if all the people who are obviously missing chromosomes would stop going to see Saw (the fact that they have made more than 1 makes me want to projectile vomit) and giving the movie studios the green light to keep rolling out smut, maybe there wouldn’t be so much of that in the media. It’s simple supply and demand.

Hold on, I’m telling the kettle I’m black too, because I did go see Role Models and I own 40-Year-Old Virgin, but like I said, I’m 22.

Anyway, keep kids out of Rated-R movies, stop making Saw films, and keep your kids out of nice restaurants too. Cause if they’re running around the aisles or treating the booths like trampolines, either heavily medicate them… or ME!

Friday, November 7, 2008

an open letter to the Red States

If you've ever read a post of mine, you know I don't support this, but I think it is a clever, funny, albeit disturbing view of how divided Americans really are, in addition to some scary demographics. I read this posted on a friend's MySpace, no idea where he found this, but it sure gave me a chuckle this morning over my bagel and coffee!

Dear Red States:

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we'retaking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. It may even include Florida and Ohio, they are seriously considering it. We've given them until Nov. 4th to decide. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country. Since we're dropping the middle states we're calling it United America, or simply the U.A.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. You can take Ted Nugent. We're keeping Bruce Springsteen and Billy Joel. You get WorldCom. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get Ole' Miss. We get Harvard and 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of singlemoms, and the highest concentration of pregnant unwed teenagers. Please beaware that the U.A. will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, really we do, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire. We'd rather spend it on taking care of sickpeople, and educating our children.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivyand Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech, and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson, and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unlesswe're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy Redies believe you are people with higher morals than we Bluies...

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States

Thursday, November 6, 2008

in all fairness

Everyone knows there are handfuls of stupid voters in support of BOTH Republicans and Democrats, but the Obama fever has obviously impaired these 'informed' voters. I also am aware that Howard Stern isn't the best outlet for accurate information, but if any shred of this is true. BLERG!

So, in further support of my previous blog about voting standards that should be based on some level of intelligence, here's this.

PS - Someone please find me a link to an equally stupid McCain supporter, so I can try to sleep better at night on a level playing field...

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

now what?

Headline: America chooses change. Hold on a second, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit…

Anyway, as historic as yesterday was, what about today? And tomorrow? Our 44th President rallied a nation of minorities, youths, and undecideds to rally behind his message of change. He has proven to us that this message is equal parts appealing and inspiring. What about its practical applications? What about the fact that in all of his speeches and grandiose plans Obama only got ½ of this tantalizing equation correct? One of our most memorable Presidents addressed our nation with a question that Obama should find applicable. Ask not ‘how can we change this country?’ Ask ‘how can the citizens of this country change?’

Now that the House, Senate, and President bleed blue, change is on the horizon. Instead of piles and piles of legislation, government programs, and handouts, why not stimulate the average American to change themselves? Any proposed financial bailout from our government would merely be treating a flesh wound with a Band-Aid. Americans need to be shown the harsh reality that the problem is lifestyle, highered expectations, and misguided feelings of entitlement. The American Dream that once was opportunity, hard work, and reward has dwindled to wanting what you can’t have, can’t afford, and didn’t work for.

If you want a change America, electing one man isn’t enough. Because if and when his plans fail or only serve as a temporary/short-term solution to a crippling problem (and by problem, I mean Americans), you will turn on him and his approval will drop faster than a cheap pair of panties on prom night. Change will only happen if we meet Obama in the middle and choose to change ourselves.

PS – the new Bond looks like pure awesomeness.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

not political, not sexy

Yay! I have never been more excited to write a blog, but this one has absolutely nothing to do with this election, so it looks like things are coming up sunshine! I may have blogged about this in the past, but researchers keep coming up with this stupid studies constantly finding new connections between media exposure and stupid mistakes. All in all, I think these researchers are just coming up with confusing, wordy ways to point to a scapegoat.

Once again, these straw-for-brains studies are linking sexual media to teen pregnancy. Do what?! Obviously, it’s out there. It permeates everything from a beer commercial, to almost all primetime television outside of Nickelodeon, although Dora’s mid-drift baring T-shirt may turn a few heads. Britney Spears hasn’t sold almost 200 million records worldwide because of her voice and people don’t tune into Grey’s Anatomy for the cast’s medical expertise. So, let’s call a spade a skank, because America has developed a taste for filth.

These distasteful (to say the least) indulgences are hours of our lives swept into the intellectual gutter. I don’t think tuning in will solidify my membership in MENSA, but they’re not driving me into the arms and bed of my peers. It all comes down to a proper education. If parents are too reluctant to venture into the land of awkward discussion, then they’ve told out and out told their children to go educate themselves. Since our public education systems find it too disturbing to allow mature, informative discussion of sex, where do you think young, horny teens are turning for advice? Of course, Heidi from The Hills or the latest cast from the all new 90210 are the de facto sexperts for the hormone filled high school sophomore.

Since, the liberal, elite, sex-charged media won’t be changing its programming anytime soon to cater to more family-friendly fare, step up to the plate and talk. Communicate the dangers and consequences about sex, and let these kids know that unsafe, unplanned sex is about as dangerous as a felony or going to Africa without bug spray. Don’t believe me? I’ll give you your ‘I told you so' speech when you’re locked down from your finances and social life for the next 18 years of yours and your child’s lives!

Monday, November 3, 2008

last change

As the end draws near, an article caught my eye. It was about the voting rights of the mentally disabled. The article talks about independent groups that go to psychiatric hospitals to help register voters and/or help filling out absentee ballots. Luckily, the article discussed the could be issues with influencing voters’ decisions who aren’t working with a full deck of cards. It also peeked into the can of worms regarding any entity, government or otherwise, not having the right to solicit voting assistance.

All in all, it was a pretty interesting article, but it got me thinking about a somewhat related issue. What about those voting American’s who aren’t crazy? Granted, they may just lack the proper diagnosis, but there are levels of odd out there that shouldn’t be anywhere near a ballot. Don’t believe me? Turn on the local news after a tornado and you’ll get a nice, nasty taste of ignorance and stupidity. I mean, I know you didn’t plan on being on your local 10 o’clock news, but did you plan on taking the rollers out and getting out of your PJs at any point? Furthermore, for anyone who has ever worked in a customer service related field, you have been exposed to some of the most stubborn and shockingly delusional of them all.

Voting turnouts for 2008 are record breaking. But, isn’t there some sort of quality vs. quantity argument that needs to be addressed in the midst of election fever? I think something should be done for those deemed ‘mentally disabled’ by professional standards. These people have degenerative diseases and other (non-self imposed) disabilities that shouldn’t restrict their involvement. My qualm is with the registered voters who are stupid and/or ignorant by choice. People who support a candidate based SOLELY on their perceived likeability, gender, or race. You’re retarded to think that if you have one superficial thing in common with someone, they will stand on a platform you can live with for the next 4 years.

The right to vote is (unfortunately) extended to all citizens of the great U S of A, but shouldn’t there be some standard? Sure, some voters may not be clinically mentally disabled, but like any Chinese Buffet, something just doesn’t seem right… I think American should take a carnival inspired standard for voting. They need to start posting cautionary signs outside of voting venues that say, “You must be this ‘not stupid’ to vote!”