Friday, June 10, 2011

things I've learned recently *cough* phoning it in today

I'm not the only person who thinks there is or should be an East Virginia. That's right, I may lack the geographical knowledge to know there aren't two Idahos, but my principles tell me (and at least one other person) that if there is a WEST Virginia, there should be an East Virginia. 
This isn't news to anyone who follows this regularly. Yes, I am bad at geography, but in my defense most of the states I missed don't really matter and I was under a time-constraint when I did this.

People you once thought were perfectly nice, albeit a bit on the low-key (AKA borderline boring) are actually just their own brand of absolutely bat s**t crazy. Profanity necessary and absolutely accurate.

I destroy all of my friends' facebook News Feeds. Absolutely no regrets.
In response to a post that generate 27 comments, 9 mine, most in
response to me, and almost none in response to the original post.

I develop interest in (and sometimes intense middle school crushes on) people solely because they pay little to no attention to me. Therefore, winning them over is a challenge, and they are clearly worth my time. The people who ignore me are people I need to know! (This rarely never ends well).

A person you once thought was attractive in his own little way loses all appeal when you see them making out with anything and everything that has eyes. Seriously, I think I saw this mess making out with a potato at some point during a four day vacation. Equally serious, I'm 99% sure he now tests positive for parvo.

On weeknights I stay home in attempts to get a full nights sleep, I end up staying up even later dawdling around my house than if I had just gone out and grabbed a drink (or five) with my friends.
Picture care of Hyperbole And A Half. Yeah, I'm didn't even
draw my own pictures for this post. Totally phoning it in.

The more people habitually reinforce an idea on facebook, the less likely I think it is actually genuine. For instance, if you are at the gym as much as you are 'checked in,' shouldn't you have beefy Disney Prince arms instead of that muffin top? I mean, the only idea I'm promoting on facebook is myself, and I'm borderline certain I'm not imaginary.

Sometimes my luck/karma is so bad, I’m confident in my past life, I was either Hitler’s public speaking teacher or all those people who voted for Taylor Hicks watch American Idol.

Finally, when you have been drinking all day on the beach and find yourself dancing on speaker box at 12 AM and a tranny covered in glitter who looks like she (he?) just lost a Ke$ha impersonator contest comes up to you out of nowhere to ask you where you got your drugs, you need to take a look at your f***ing life. (PS - I was NOT on drugs).

This has NOTHING to do with this post, other than the fact that I
have learned these will NEVER stop making me almost pee my pants.

No comments: