Thursday, March 3, 2011

Meet the Real Lucille

I’ve been sitting on this story for far too long not to retell it.  Mainly because it is hilarious, and partly because I believe I have found my new role model in life.  This is a retelling, so there is nothing factually untrue like unicorn rides in Narnia, but some of the details might be a little hairy due to the fact that I heard this story on a good wine buzz.

I was on a date when I heard this story, and as far as good dinner conversation goes, my date was really bringing the A-game.  I actually considered not talking for the rest of the date because there was no topping this story, then I thought about coming up with really elaborate lies to make myself sound more interesting like having competed in the Olympics or was one of the original members of the Mickey Mouse Club...

Anyway, his mom is, as he describes, Lucille Bluth a la Arrested Development.  She will be referred to as such for the rest of the story, and as you can assume, I wanted to be her new best friend.

This past holiday season, Lucille was going to an evening cocktail party for some of friends and friends of friends. 

Lucille was forced to venture out to the suburbs for this event and punched in this unknown address into her GPS.  A while later, a condescending British voice informed her that she had ‘arrived at her destination.’

She made her way up the walkway and into the party.  She mingled and enjoyed a number of cocktails.  And by ‘a number of,’ I mean and assume ‘too many.’ 

PS - This woman is also noted for ‘hating Taco Diner because their margaritas are too weak.’  (This is the restaurant that left me napping in the back of Acura TSX if you remember this post).

After about an hour of drinking and mingling with other guests, she came to realize she was at the wrong party and her actual destination was up the block.  She was on her way out the door when she stumbled and fell down the stairs.

Never to miss a party and the trooper she is, Lucille took a beat and carried herself to the correct party where she was immediately the center of attention… medical attention.  She was cleaned up and immediately sent home.  She blamed the GPS...

Side note: She went and saw Black Swan.  Like me, she originally thought it was like a more mature Center Stage (a coming of age story about a NY based dance company).  Much to her surprise, it. was. not. Lucille was so traumatized she immediately went home and took a bubble bath with her good friend: an entire bottle of chardonnay.

I haven't met her, but I'm 100% certain, if and when I do, I will have material for an entire year's worth of blog posts within the first 10 minutes...


Roxanne and Lorraine said...

What are her odds to find ANOTHER party just down the block? (Yes, I read the whole post and that's what I'm concerned with. Still haven't seen Black Swan. Will keep the alcohol on hand and thing of Real Lucille.)


John said...

Well it was during the holiday season there were all sorts of parties I'm guessing. Still pretty random, but who knows what goes on in suburbia... Now that Black Swan is on DVD and might be less terrifying on my TV, I might watch it. Be ready for the 'I cried in my shower for 3 hours' post.