Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Amazon + Racial Slurs

Back at the begining of the year or end of last year (I'm not 100% sure because I've had quiet a bit to drink between then and now, plus I'm too lazy to go back and look), but I do remember bad mouthing New Year's Resolutions in this post.

While I stand by the firm belief that I am the probably the best version of whatever I am supposed to be, I am giving in and giving up this year for Lent!

That's right, y'all! I'm lenting!

If Sonic's new line of hot dogs, every weekend's bar tab, and my unusually high social media activities are any indicators, I have a highly addictive personality.  And I get bored a lot.  And when this happens, I'm usually sitting at a computer.  Among aggressively trolling my friends' facebook accounts, filling the twittosphere with nonsense, and blogging, I am obsessed with online shopping!

I keep telling myself that it is OK because I am saving so much money on great deals I am finding on Amazon and many of the daily emails I get from a number of vendors who taunt me with their well fitting designer clothes and chiseled models, and then I remembered something: my father, in his infinite wisdom and cheapness, once told a salesperson who had me fooled into buying, 'I can't afford to save that much money!'

So, in efforts to save up for that unicorn and shotgun I've had my eye on for some time (for a somewhat related activity), I am giving up online shopping for Lent!*

*DISCLAIMER - this does not exclude items I habitually buy online out of necessity or any sort of gift. :)

On a completely unrelated Side Note: my niece has mastered the art of making fun of Asians.  I'm adopted and in addition to the fact that she calls me Jeremy, I don't think she fully grasps my being and what I'm constantly doing at her white family gatherings.  So, she finally made her first racist joke, and I couldn't be more proud of her!  It wasn't even a cheap driving or math joke that so many find hilarious.

After BEGGING me to play outside during peak nap time hours, I finally caved and pushed her on the swing.  As I walked away she said, "Uncle Jeremy... you look evil!" I cocked my head to the side, giggled, and cautiously asked her "why?"

Her response: she didn't say a word.  She simply lifted her hands to her face and made Asian eyes.  Her revelation that ethnics are innately conniving is something I'm proud she realized in just four short years of living.

I walked away laughing and took a nap knowing that some day in the near future she is going to find some pathetic Asian classmate, take his/her calculator and/or violin, and, knowing my niece, bite them!

Also, this made me the number one member of the Gwyneth Paltrow Fan Club.

"Cause everybody's got a random!'

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