Monday, March 7, 2011

UPDATED: Pizza Rolls + Gilmore Girls

This weekend was pretty standard for me with very little to report.  I did learn a few things about life and myself that are great lessons learned.

-Cooking for children - I have successfully unsuccessfully cooked near gourmet dinners for my two oldest nieces.  I have made everything from homemade egg rolls to All-American roast and potatoes to my new favorite dish of all time boeuf bourguignon and all were met with less than rave reviews.  They poked at the egg rolls like I had served them a plate of gazelle turds.  The roast was 'too dry and needed ketchup.'  And the bourguignon was 'sour.'  I assume the sour taste came from my nieces inability to appreciate a good red wine and in their defense ketchup really does make just about everything better...  For the record, all the adults at the table loved my cooking.

-Drunk chef - Speaking of my cooking skills, this Saturday night I came to a horrible and/or awesome revelation.  After going out full force on a Saturday night, my friend and I were back at my place and craving drunk food something fierce.  Neither of us were in any shape or form to make any sort of driving or telephone ordering decisions, so I went to my freezer.  I then learned that I have the cooking instructions for Totino's Pizza Rolls completely memorized and saved in a special place in my brain that is accessible even after too many Miller Lites.  I am most certain this is a win and decided I will be cooking them for my nieces the next time I see them.

-More good decisions - The next morning, I awoke to learn something very interesting about myself: I have very weird priorities while having had a few.  I woke up still half dressed!  Sleeping in the clothes you went out in the night before is slightly more comfortable than spooning a porcupine.  I hate doing it and hate myself anytime I do it.  So, I woke up half-undressed and clutching my laptop that is playing Season 1 Disc 4 of the WB's hit show: The Gilmore Girls.  That's right.  I own all the seasons of the Gilmore Girls and it was more important I pass out to witty mother-daughter rapid fire banter than go to bed in appropriate sleeping attire.

Finally, I closed out my weekend with probably the best tweet of my life.  I am shocked it did not start trending immediately, but the American public is full of huge disappointments. #ifcharliesheenstrainwreckofalifedoesntstoptrendingiwillmurderapuppy
If everyone could tweet this, it would really help with my defeating of the Internet.  Thanks!

UPDATE: OMG. I cannot believe I forgot to include this little gem!  If you remember this post, you'll remember that my friend, TJ, is a hot mess who is probably the only person who is more easily frightened than me.  We have inadvertently conditioned him to constantly be terrified of us.  I reached out to give him a hug the other day and he reared back like a battered housewife.  I should feel bad, but things like this video make me know that I am making all good decisions in terms of my behavior towards him.

*Sorry about the f***-ing said in the video.  TJ has a foul mouth when he feels he is being abused and as you can see, he got what he deserved for being inappropriate.

It's funny because he thought he knew what was coming! 
You saw the camera. You saw Chris.  You did NOT see Jason.


Emily said...

"I will be cooking my nieces the next time I see them."

I hope this is a typo and you aren't planning on cannibalizing small children!

John said...

For the record, yes it is a typo/Freudian slip. I would only eat them if there were copious amounts of gravy...

But now that you mention it, I have a homemade mac and cheese recipe that if they turn their little noses up to, I could snap!

Stephanie said...

Ketchup is a win. I put it on everything but hotdogs [oddly enough].

Drunk food is the best. Ours is usually taco bell, but that's only because it's right down the street from our house and we can usually make it there without the police harassing us about being "drunk in public". All I want to say to that is; I'm walking around so I'm NOT driving drunk, and yet I'm in trouble for making this choice? What's worse; really? And I can't stay home when there's T-bell to be had, right?

I don't know. Maybe that's because I'm drunk when I think like that, but it makes sense to me. =]

John said...

@Stephanie - That logic is so sound if applied correctly, I think it would solve all the world's problems... Well, not obesity, but most of the other ones.

My roommate and a few of my friends have drunk food down to an absolute science. They buy enough taco bell the night before so they can have leftovers in the fridge and wake up immediately dive into hangover food!

Chryifiwant2 said...

I'm not sure how I ended up here, maybe from the bloggess, but I just tweeted for the first time this year with your #ifcharliesheenstrainwreckofalifedoesntstoptrendingiwillmurderapuppy, so, you're welcome. And I like my nieces medium rare.