Friday, April 1, 2011

put your money where your meth is

I should really start at the very least introducing myself to someone before I start making wild and humorous statements to them.

Last night, in a crowd of people I met this adorable Asian girl. She was a friend of a friend and as I walked over to say hi to him, I sort of stumbled my way into their conversation.


Friend: Do you want anything from the bar?
Asian: No, I actually don't drink. 
Me: Oh, do you want some meth?!
Asian: *Nervous laughter* (At the time I was not aware that it was nervous laughter, because there was something cute standing nearby, and I have trouble reading emotional cues of other Asians).

We were then introduced and I continued to flit around between my friends like a hummingbird with severe ADHD. The night progressed and a few hours later I ran into this duo at another bar...

Friend: Oh, hey, John, you meet my friend Asian Girl, right? I told her you are hilarious.
Asian: Yeah... I told him you offered me meth earlier. *unidentifiable Asian emotion laughter* 

She said it in the kind of way that when it happened, it took her a while to realize I wasn't actually offering her meth... We all laughed about it and went about the rest of night.

But my inability to read her might have meant she was just disappointed I didn't actually follow through with my offerings of hard drugs. She might have been a real tweaker. I mean during the apparent nervous laughter in our first encounter, she never said 'no.' Although I had no back up plan or meth for that matter if she actually would have said 'yes.' 

So, note to self, either work harder at making grandiose statements explicitly sarcastic or always have a little meth in case you have to make good on a promise.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think the key thing that went wrong here is that your friend described you as hilarious.

Maybe he should've said "John is my attention-whoring, unfunny, bigoted, boring friend."

That soups have helped clear things up.

Anonymous said...

Soups = should

John said...

YAY! You're back! And completely right. He way oversold / completely misrepresented me.

Jason Ness said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jason Ness said...

@Anonymous... your evaulation of John is incorrect. He ISN'T boring

Anonymous said...

Maybe you don't think he's boring. But this blog sure as shit is.

Anonymous said...

But I do appreciate your subtle humor of not dismissing my other descriptive terms.+1 to you.

Ginny said...

"So, note to self, either work harder at making grandiose statements explicitly sarcastic or always have a little meth in case you have to make good on a promise."

Words to live by!

Shelley said...

I don't get why anonymous keeps commenting if he doesn't like your blog. Umm...don't read it?