Wednesday, April 20, 2011


Ever since my roommate got his new job, I have been forced to give up the luxury of carpooling. I have almost forgotten how much more delicious coffee tastes from the passenger seat of I-35 morning traffic... Sad.

We had been taking turns driving to the office for a couple years, so the adjustment was extremely annoying. When you're in the car alone, bad things happen!

For instance, there's no one in the car to remind you that you are about to go on a beach vacation and want to look cute in pictures and kindly discourage you from stopping at Sonic because you pass the billboard everyday on the way home and ordering two hot dogs.

I have mentioned these MULTIPLE times on the basis that they are #$%-ing amazing.
Also, in efforts to continually entertain myself, I have found that when you are in the car alone, no one is there to tell you that you that making (fake) cat calls at middle-aged Hispanic construction workers is probably a good way to get beat up or receive an offer you can't follow through on...

I also find that I talk to myself in the car...

John, don't forget to buy cheese.

John, you really need to go to the gym.

Is it racist that cars with PiolĂ­n bumper stickers make me automatically thankful for my uninsured motorist insurance?!

Do I use the C-word too much when driving?

You know? Just the usual thinking out loud, but I do it in a British accent, so I'm really just conversing with my totes stately doppleganger.

On a creepy related note: yesterday, I overheard a coworker have a conversation with himself. Well, not with himself. He was more talking by himself because his statements were clearly attempts to elicit conversation with surrounding coworkers. 

We were not taking the bait! Mainly because he is the most creepy and socially awkward person ever. 

It went like this: 

Wow! It's gonna rain all weekend.... according to Fox News... Yep... Thursday... Friday... Saturday... Sunday... Whoa! ... ... .... There goes my plans for the weekend... That's a lot of rain... ALL WEEKEND... Rain... Easter... Weekend...

This went on for about 3 minutes... I was almost impressed at his perseverance! 

Anyway, back to me.

On the plus side, I don't have to be on the receiving end of my roommate's eye daggers when I try to hit a note in a song that is way out of my vocal range.  However, I have found that passengers in the cars sitting next to you at a red light will not stop staring at you unless you stop singing "Don't Rain On My Parade" at the top of your lungs... with the windows down... because you farted...

PS - the NOT holding in of farts is, by far, the #1 fringe benefit of riding in the car alone!


Jessica said...

I talk to myself in the car all the time...though it's usually yelling at someone to let them know they're an idiot.

I like control too much to carpool.

Anonymous said...

While this post is funny I have to, once again, point out your amazing usage of your tags. "Sonic hot dogs carpooling alone in a car."

I talk to myself when I'm alone in the car. It also makes it easier not to throw stones at the retarded drivers I have to deal with.

John said...

I used to be OK with just singing in the car, but now I'm just certifiably crazy if I'm in the car alone for more than 15 minutes. Especially on the way home FROM work, because I have this temporary off work euphoria that makes me even more awesome/crazy.

Anonymous said...

A little evil is often necessary for obtaining a great good.