5 Simple Rules

After working a big boy job for a while now, I’ve noticed that the words ‘business casual’ are really just a corporate avenue into opening Pandora’s Box (or at the very least giving us an unfortunate visual of it). What was conceived as a way to make workers feel relaxed and comfortable at work has lead me to feel all sorts of discomfort about coworkers’ conceptions of acceptable. Therefore, by channeling my inner-Carson, I’ve created a few simple/cardinal rules that even a monkey on dancing on the Atlantic City Boardwalk could follow. I call it…

John’s [Common Sense] Guide to Workplace Attire:

Rule 1 – Under no circumstances should you wear a polo that bears Abercrombie, Hollister, etc. insignia on it. You’re working in the real world now, not hanging out at the food court of the Galleria after 8th period. You’ve got a degree and a little extra cash to spring for a few professional looking Polo.

Rule 2 – You would think this would be a no-brainer, but if you wear a crisp white button down (a classic look) please, PLEASE wear an undershirt. I didn’t plan to come to work to sit at my desk, sip my coffee, and get a front row seat’s view to your nipples.

Rule 3 – If you are wearing black shoes and dark slacks, wear black/darl DRESS socks. Dark, athletic-like socks are not acceptable. Honestly, I don’t know why they are even manufactured. They shouldn’t be worn with dress shoes, and would never be sported with a nice pair of Adidas.

Rule 4 – IRON! I don’t care what you’re wearing (actually I do), for goodness sake make it look presentable. Don’t pull up to work everyday looking like you got dressed in your car and pulled your shirt out of your glove box! If you’re too lazy, spring for the $1 and get them dry-cleaned.

Rule 5 – Be clean shaven. Spend the extra 5-10 minutes in the morning to pass over what you call a face. Let’s be honest with ourselves you’re not Emile Hirsch-ing “Into The Wild,” you’re you, going into the office.

These 5 rules will save you from inappropriateness and my stares of shock and judgment. I’m not asking you to wake up and come to work looking like you just walked off a catwalk. I’m just hoping that you come to work and glanced in a mirror before you walked out the door.