first thing's first.

It has been described as either a fatal flaw or a life-saving defense mechanism. I believe I am a good judge of quality. I may have come across my share of wolves in sheep’s clothing, but for the most part, when I meet people, I can be fairly certain, on first impression alone, if they will be loved or hated.

I don’t think I’m the only person, unless they have been heavily drinking (like “leaning against a wall for standing support” heavily), who always puts his best food forward upon meeting a new people. So, I don’t understand why certain people make such horrible first impressions (like “I wish I could crap my own pants to have a reason to leave” horrible). As far as I’m concerned, your first impression with me is your make or break moment. It’s like on American Idol. You get that one moment to let me send you into the Hollywood of my good graces, or you get zonked and end up on my mental blooper reel of hot messes.

Upon a very rare occasion, I am wrong. Some of my close friends started as enemies and then I slowly realized we had things in common or I was just around them so frequently that forced civility gave way to a friendship. I like to call these people the “leaners.” They lean into you so much and aren’t deliberately mean, so to be outright hateful to them or object to their presence is more energy than to just mildly ignore them when they are around. However, a lot of the time people I immediate hate are put into the category of people I hope our next and only shared experience would be Armageddon.

Meeting someone is like eating an amuse-bouche. If you are less up on culinary jargon or Spanish (which I am certain that phrase is) or you don’t watch Top Chef, an amuse-bouche is a one-bit morsel that is not ordered but chef prepared and sent out as a small preview of the chef’s talent, concept, and skill. Technically, it means “mouth amuser.” Instead of walking into some horrible sexually-charge double entendre, I will simply say that your fist impression is your chance to tell another person “this is why you shouldn’t turn around and walk away forever.”

All that being said, more often than not, I don’t think I make a very good first impression. I am a terribly shy person unless I am in my environment. Like koalas who can’t mate in captivity or something like that… My ‘environment’ is my safety-net of close friends and a cocktail. If you’ve met me ‘in the wild’ I probably am extremely obnoxious, loud, too hyper/ADD, and have a face you just wanna slap. It is NOT pretty. If you happen meet me when I don’t have my back-dancers or at a party where I don’t know more than half of the guests, I am a boring wall-flower who makes lame conversation if any at all.

In conclusion, I will try and work on being more open-minded to people’s bad first impressions. And thank you to anyone who has met me and not turned around and walked away forever.