Wednesday, October 13, 2010

faith + fairies.

A recent unfortunate experience of a very close friend of mine brought this about. It’s an issue I have struggled with. I was raised in a semi-functional, strong Christian family who have experienced its share of trip-ups and trials. My father is the most amazing minister I’ve ever had the pleasure of learning from. My mom lived with a stronger faith and such an intense love of Christ it couldn’t be contained. Their strong conviction of their beliefs served as the perfect worldly example for my siblings and me. Like the faith of a child, when I was younger I embraced my beliefs and the Good Word without question.

I possess a strong faith in my beliefs. But at the same time, I believe in myself: who I am, what I believe, and my personal life-experience-defined boundaries of right and wrong. As I grow older, wiser, and somewhat jaded, I find it harder to balance my faith and my lifestyle. The number one thing that comes between my relationship with God is his more fervent, vocal ‘followers’ who have perverted His teachings and Christianity into the ideology of hate and exclusion.

I don’t pretend to be an expert on anything. I just know my experience and my beliefs. Recently, I have somehow managed to begin rebuilding my faith. Whether subconsciously or with some forethought intent, I had disconnected myself from the church because I chose to believe that the people behind those doors didn’t want me there. I mean, I don’t even like to crash parties to which I’m not formally invited.

You would think the religos and the homos would be able to relate on common ground. We both like to judge, theatrically grand-stand, be exclusive, and dance (that one public access Plano church has the moves)! But on the serious, the religious zealots who protest our parades, preach hate, and subvert the Word are going against everything they claim to believe.

I don’t have the time, energy, or desire to even try to change their minds or have a drunken face-off with one of the grammatically incorrect picketers, rather I’m pleading with those who are or have questioned their faith based on the loud and crazy to reconsider. These people represent a fraction of a much bigger picture. Unfortunately, I find it hard to relate to those of less than ideal situations who might (like Beyonce in Dreamgirls) be at a (religious) crossroads. I have a loving, accepting family that have found room in their hearts for their God and their gay. Their acceptance allowed me to wrestle the demons my sinful life and reconcile them with my faith.

My dad always says (and I do mean always, because he reuses jokes/anecdotes A LOT) “when some people get to Heaven and look around, there will be a lot of surprised faces.” But maybe, I’m wrong and they’re right. If they are and every gay person is going to Hell, it sounds like quite the party!

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