Monday, October 4, 2010

Dark Cloud Dossier.

One of the most annoying and painfully effective defense mechanisms I possess is passive aggressiveness. I’m not particularly proud of this, but it is the one and only constructive ways I know how to approach animosity. I guess I’m writing this as a “How-to deal with John Boerger’s evil twin” mini-manual and/or tri-fold brochure. So, like a Gilmore Girls Marathon and a KFC 7 PC bucket (preferably legs and thighs), let’s dive in!

Passive aggression might not be the most accurate way to define my behavior/coping device. But, it probably appears that way. I get quiet, sulky, and withdrawn (usually classic signs of a passive aggressive behavior). I don’t know what to label this, but it’s not a pretty picture or pleasant to be around. There are just a few things that someone needs to know when witnessing this behavior, a 12-step program, if you will (or however many steps I can think of…)

1.) I am pissed, borderline seething. A dark cloud has loomed over my otherwise sunny and annoying personality, and I’m bringing the rain.


2.) There is probably/absolutely nothing anyone can do to snap me out of it. Whether it takes an hour or a week, this just has to run its course.


3.) I’m not just sulking. I’m thinking, evaluating, and rationalizing. Unlike just about ANY other moment in my life, I’m actually trying to think before I speak.


4.) Best course of action? Ignore me. And by ignore, I mean completely forget. Approaching me first is borderline dangerous and discussing it amongst yourselves in my earshot/eye line is just tacky.


5.) Don’t be upset or personally offended that I don’t immediately want to glaze over this situation, argument, or bad mood. Chances are, I’m not precisely mad at you. I just need space and time to think.


6.) Finally, if and when I come to you, the issue WILL be discussed and hopefully a peaceful resolution can be reached. Please don’t act like time alone heals all wounds, I might not have wanted to do it immediately, but we are gonna hammer this out.

This isn’t the best or most efficient way to deal with stuff, but it’s the only way I know how to not be EXTREMLEY aggressive. Unlike people who tackle emotionally charged situations while the paint is still wet, I am trying to avoid emotional/irrational/hurtful outbursts. Too many people go in with guns-a-blazin, and end up, more often than not, shooting themselves in the foot. I’m not repressing or ignoring my anger, I am simply organizing it and trying to pull as much unnecessary emotion/anger out of the thought process. That way, I can speak with a level head and far less swearing. I’m usually more easily understood because I can focus on staying out of my head voice. If all goes as planned, I can hopefully come out the trenches with my dignity/integrity intact, and best case scenario, win the fight.

Believe me, this is NOT quasi-psychological self assessment. I took a lot of psychology classes in college. OK… I took the SAME class A LOT of times…

1 comment:

Tim said...

I am exactly the same way; John H is not. It makes for some interesting arguments when we are hungry or returning home from a night out ;).