Thursday, April 9, 2009

oh baby

I might just be bitter because I don’t care for things that draw attention away from better things (i.e. – ME!), but what is with babies? I mean, I love babies (the fatter the better), but I guess I primarily dislike certain breeds of breeders. Like a pregnant belly, let me expand.

Every office has one, most families do, and you always have a friend who is guilty of this, but since when was getting pregnant a ground-breaking feat of amazement? Women have babies all the time! I mean, in certain medical situations where drastic measures must be taken, I guess it is sort of a miracle. But, if extreme/drastic measures are necessary, adopt. But that’s not this issue here, so don’t get me started on genetic narcissism.

When babies roll out, especially fat ones that look like they could roll, I couldn’t be happier. It truly is astounding, but don’t act like you’re curing cancer or parting the Red Sea when you get knocked up. And please, don’t expect everyone around you to think or act like you did. Also, once your baby is born, don’t call to tell me (what feels like) a 4 hour long story about how your kid rolled over and not even bother to ask how my (kid-less) life is going. Rude!

Also, in terms of conversation, I really don’t wanna hear about yours symptoms, side-effects, or complaints. You chose your choice! A litany of medical junk is not an interesting earful. And, I can’t stress this enough, I never wanna hear a story that starts with, “So, I went to my OB-GYN…”

Why do expectant mothers and babies get showers? My reference material might be really lame (and by lame, I mean really gay), but Carrie Bradshaw put it “If you're single, after graduation there isn't one occasion where people celebrate you. Hallmark doesn't make a 'Congratulations, you didn't marry the wrong guy' card.”


*No offense to parents or expectant mothers, but remember single, childless people are people too. The world doesn’t stop because you’re lactating.

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