Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Why2K?

If you haven’t heard or paid attention to my banner, I want to defeat the Internet.  This has been a dream of mine since the 8th grade when AOL was awesome, I had a @juno.com email address, and the dial-up connection was about as fast as a geriatric 100 meter three-legged race.

It was the fall of 1999 and the Y2K craze was sweeping the nation.  Crazies storing up canned pork and beans, religious extremist groups more crazy than usual, and one curious/devious 8th grader was making his first strides towards world domination/destruction.

I haven’t done any retroactive research on the issue, but wasn’t everyone freaked out that computers would go all Courtney Love and not work with the ‘00’ year?  I guess I don’t really remember, but my 8th grade self understood it this way…

So, I sat down at the family computer and set the fake date and time to December 31st, 1999 11:59 PM.  I waited for what felt like forever for my computer to explode, destroy the Internet, and/or turn into a Transformer and battle axe me.  


Tick.

Tock.

Nothing.

I sat back and was rest assured that my Armageddon dry run would make the new millennium smiles times all around.  While a part of me was relieved, a bigger part of me was disappointed that I didn't end it all...

Coming up on 2011, I still have a deep, burning desire to defeat the Internet.  If you haven’t checked out the ‘About Me’ section above and are too lazy to see it I’ll say it here.  I want to defeat the Internet.  See picture:


Hopefully, by the end of 2011, I’ll hope to be a famous writer/blogger who can work from home in my underpants and eat bacon all day.

Or my Plan B is winning Top Chef regardless of the fact I have never had any formal culinary training…

6 comments:

Traveler@large said...

I love the inclusion of Al Gore. I'm so proud of him for inventing the internet. I'll be sorry when you defeat him. (on some level)

Brandon H said...

I thought your Plan B was a pill you took after Trashy Tuesdays. Hmmm.....I'm confused.

John said...

@Traveler - I also thought to include Starbucks. Not that it has anything to do with the Internet in any way whatsoever, but I figured if I can take down the Internet, a giant corporate coffee house would be gravy.
@Brandon H - There it is...

Justin said...

Would it not be counterproductive to defeat blogger/blogspot, being it was what made you internet famous?

It would be like Superman blowing up the sun.

John said...

Your logic is as sound as your analogy is nerdy/awesome. Thank you. I suppose my interpretation of defeat in my mind implies reigning over it post-defeat... like Attila the Hun.

Back to the Basicks said...

lol hilarious. I love your blog!! Great photo also ;) I hope you succeed in your quest for the internet!!!