Monday, October 20, 2008

Bar 101

So, if you’re an upwardly mobile recent graduate or Devil may care college student, you’ve seen the inside of a bar and/or club. If you live under a rock or have no friends, they’re dark, play loud music, and full of people. In such a heightened social situation, there are certain rules that everyone should follow.

-Smokers (myself included), be mindful of your grossness. You’re practically holding a weapon, so don’t go flailing around on the dance floor with your tiny burn stick in hand! I like my eyebrows just where they are thank you very much. Also, be mindful of your draft smoke and second hand smoke. Although it is sometimes inevitable, I don’t want to go home smelling like a dirty danced with the Marlboro Camel all night long. Blow up!

-Bartenders are like cafeteria style restaurants. Order, pay, move! Don’t post up right in front of the bartender and hold up the entire line, just because you saw something cute in your peripherals.

-I doubt this is news to anyone who has been to a hip-hoppin’ bar, but these places are crowded. The masses bottleneck at multiple points, and you’re bound to get uncomfortably friendly. When you’re walking through a narrow space or plowing through the crowd, (gropes aside) feel free to place an unalarming hand on my should or back to let me know that you’re behind me and need through. Also, the magic words of a friendly ‘excuse me’ will get me to move inches in whatever direction I can to accommodate.

-DO NOT push through! This past weekend I had some ugly girl (in a gay bar no less) practically shove past, and it wasn’t even that busy. Ladies, in case you ever see me out and think you can pull this maneuver, just know this, I’m not afraid to hit an ugly girl. I firmly threw my elbow back in response to the shove and she had the audacity to get mad at me! I lost my temper, and this girl almost lost her weave!

When it comes down to it, just be cordial and cognizant of the space. It’s not hard to be the least bit considerate and moderately friendly. Last time I checked, bars were for fun and served that social lubricant that makes putting up with others’ deficiencies that much easier!

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