feeling old... again.

*knock, knock*

Death, is that you?!

No. It's Pizza Hut.

Well it turns out, I'm not dying. But it has become brutally apparent that I am growing up. My life used to be punctuated by semesters, graduations, and those age milestones (driving, voting, tobacco-ing, drinking, etc).

Lately, it seems like I am nearing the days where my life will be full of meaningful events like my first prostate exam, first grey pubic hair, or being called sir on a regular basis (without the 'step away from the police horse' immediately following it.)

I know I am not OLD, but I'm starting to feel it... all thanks to Kelly Clarkson and Beyoncé.

This coming year marks the ten year anniversary of Kelly Clarkson's inaugural win of American Idol. Ten years. I mean, that's almost half of my life of seeing loser after loser fly through the revolving door of that skid-mark of a reality show. Anyway, I can clearly remember her competing and winning. Not, "I remember where I was when 9-11 happened" remember, but it is a strong memory.

Now and then. Dang, y'all.

There was a time in my life where memories from ten years ago completely eluded me. I was too young to remember who was carrying me, changing my diaper, and locking me out of the house. Those memories had a solid haze around them. Now decade old memories are as clean and clear as a face wash commercial.

Also, the other day I was jamming my face off to some old school Destiny's Child. Remember them? That girl group that spawned the worldwide careers of Beyoncé Knowles, Kelly Rowland, and... that... other girl...

Most people today think Destiny's Child is Beyoncé's current unborn baby. No, that thing is called "Sasha Fetus."

Anyway, I'm jamming in my car to one of their first hits: Bug A Boo. I mean, This song came out in the 1900s! I remember rocking this song while smoking Kamel Red Lights in my busted Jeep Cherokee like there was no tomorrow. That made me nostalgic... which I think is fruity gibberish speak for "feel old."

Then I started listening to the lyrics... If a kid heard this song today, it might as well be sung in Mandarin (or I guess English if a Mandarin child was listening to it...)

Pagers?

AOL?!

MCI?!?!

I mean, were these ever real things? I sort of think I lived through their periods of relevance, but I'm not even sure. Part of me thinks they are real and another, more certain part of me thinks they are fake words Beyoncé made up. Like that time she made "whoa-oh-oh" into a full 3 minute song.


I find it baffling that an entire generation or generations of little gay boys and girls have no idea what any of these things are. I mean do they even know who Destiny's Child is?! Gasp.