Simply John

Now, no offense to my parents, but all other facets of their parenting aside, they certainly didn’t earn any positive marks in creativity in the naming department. I think they simply eenie-meenie-miny-moed their way through the Old and New Testaments for Biblical combinations that rolled off the tongue with ease. But, seriously, I’m not sure I could go by any other name, but “John” just seems too simple a name to describe the person that is me.

When I meet new people with unique names or intriguing spellings, I am overcome with name envy. Why can’t my name have a 7 or a silent Q in it? I would give my left arm for at the very least another syllable. That’s right, I’m not even a Jonathan (a question I sometimes wish I could answer with a yes).

Also, throughout my life, I have never been attributed any sort of decent nickname (or at least not one I would like to stick around for any extended period of time). The closest thing to a decent nickname I received was “Little John” as a child. This was out of necessity because of my cousin, but unfortunately pre-Pimp Cup famous rapper days. The second was simply “Boerger.” Which, as silly of a last name it is, makes my mind go straight to the nearest Burger King for their 2 Whoppers for $4 special.

I’m not asking for a crazy celebrity baby name like Apple or Mowgli or any sort of name that requires punctuation. But, someday I might actually waltz into a courthouse and give my name a facelift. But in the meantime I totally Googled it and at a substantial cost of time and the money I usually earmark for red wine, my laziness kicks in and I choose to remain simply John.