Friday, June 19, 2009

Simply John

Now, no offense to my parents, but all other facets of their parenting aside, they certainly didn’t earn any positive marks in creativity in the naming department. I think they simply eenie-meenie-miny-moed their way through the Old and New Testaments for Biblical combinations that rolled off the tongue with ease. But, seriously, I’m not sure I could go by any other name, but “John” just seems too simple a name to describe the person that is me.

When I meet new people with unique names or intriguing spellings, I am overcome with name envy. Why can’t my name have a 7 or a silent Q in it? I would give my left arm for at the very least another syllable. That’s right, I’m not even a Jonathan (a question I sometimes wish I could answer with a yes).

Also, throughout my life, I have never been attributed any sort of decent nickname (or at least not one I would like to stick around for any extended period of time). The closest thing to a decent nickname I received was “Little John” as a child. This was out of necessity because of my cousin, but unfortunately pre-Pimp Cup famous rapper days. The second was simply “Boerger.” Which, as silly of a last name it is, makes my mind go straight to the nearest Burger King for their 2 Whoppers for $4 special.

I’m not asking for a crazy celebrity baby name like Apple or Mowgli or any sort of name that requires punctuation. But, someday I might actually waltz into a courthouse and give my name a facelift. But in the meantime I totally Googled it and at a substantial cost of time and the money I usually earmark for red wine, my laziness kicks in and I choose to remain simply John.

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