Wednesday, August 17, 2011

UPDATED: First World Problems

People all over the world are suffering from natural disasters, starvation, and oppressive governments... Here in my neck of the woods and among some of my too fabulous gay for words friends, our problems are what we like to call "First World Problems."

I'm not writing this to make people feel bad about the fabulous lives they live or to donate your hard earned money to some charity whose commercial's soundtrack features Sarah McLachlan. I just think these situations are hilarious and everyone can use a little perspective on their lives from time to time...

For instance, one day my friend and I were talking about baking. We proceeded to spend 8-10 minutes talking about how annoying it is that cute ceramic pie plates are usually deep dish and normal pie crusts don't fit in them, but standard Pyrex pie plates are ugly to display at dinner parties. This can also be filed under: "Extremely gay problems."
Left: really cute. Right: What am I a farmer?

The other day, I was a friend's house and he asked me to look at his back because he was afraid he was breaking out after his most recent laser hair removal treatment.

Another friend updated facebook saying, "I'm at the dermatologist. Every time I leave this place I look like an extra from a Wes Craven movie. Urgh."*

Or like when I am driving, get stuck in traffic, and almost pee my pants. I feel wronged, upset, and full of pee. Then I look to my right and see someone waiting for the bus stop... in 106 degree heat... in Dallas.

Here are some other quick First World Problems that continually ruin my life and make me feel like a selfish child who has a temper tantrum at Disney World:

"Crap, I'm at the gym and left my iPod at home... I can't workout without Kelly Clarkson blaring in my head."

Spending 20 minutes at dinner expressing one's disdain "valet only" establishments.

Using valet at said establishments.

Being outside a 4G network.

Absolutely ANYTHING that has to do with rebooting, buffering, or upgrading. ANYTHING.

And, finally, the status update that got this idea in my head and inspired this whole blog post:

As you can easily assume, I love my friends...

*I teasingly commented "#FirstWorldProblems" on what I assumed was some sort of cosmetic trip to the dermatologist. Later, my friend provided another update: "Two ice packs, a fan, eight stitches, & almost passed out, but now my chest is cancer free." #ifeellikeanasshole 

Anything I missed?! What First World Problems destroy your daily life?


smash said...

Text someone. Walk to other side of room to do something, sit down. Immediately receive text - phone still on other side of room while you sit comfortably.

John said...

OMG! I just died. I do that all the time. And my stupid roommate won't bring it to me no matter how much I whine / pretend to helpless / act like I have T-Rex arms.

PJ said...

I had to go back to the store to have the security tag removed from my brand-new pants (that look super cute).

John said...

PJ, pants are the bane of my existence. I have abnormally short legs (not in any sort of way that could get me a career in the circus) but shorter than average. I ALWAYS have to get my pants hemmed and it drives me crazy because I can't wear my new pants for an extra week or so. #firstworldproblems

Sarcasmic Ross said...

You think you've got problems?! Let me tell you about problems! Right now I would quite like a drink. However, I'm incredibly comfortable on this sofa, I've worked a damn fine ass groove into this badboy and getting upset would upset the delicate balance between my gluteus maximus and comfortable padding.


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The Chaser said...

Start making a cake and realize after you've poured in the mix, water and oil that you don't have eggs. #firstworld problems.

LGalaviz said...

The battery on my iPad is low. Also, I have the sudden realization that my pie tins are ugly.