Tuesday, October 11, 2011

this is why people don't want 'us' to get married

I haven't blogged in a while, and unfortunately for you, this one is about TV again.

Remember when I was mentally raped a few weeks ago when I was at a birthday party that ended up being a filming of LOGO's new reality show, The A-List: Dallas. No? Well, consider yourself lucky.

Anyway, the very first episode aired last night... For shame gays. For. Shame.

I was a bottle and a half of wine into my night, so at this point you probably could have made me watch Dora The Explorer and for the first time, I wouldn't have violently refused to 'flap my arms like a bird' or 'jump in the air' when that bossy little Mexican barks her orders.

This buzz mixed with my dramatically low expectations probably had all the makings of some excellent guilty pleasure television. However, I found myself physically offended by their depiction of Dallas and gay men. I felt exactly like the Orcs after The Lord Of The Rings came out...

So, much of the cast is easily forgettable, not very attractive, and bloated stereotypes of materialistic, bitchy homos. I've spent about as much time researching the minutiae of this show as I have spent pursuing my career in women's basketball, so I may not be 100% correct in saying that not all of these fags are even from Dallas... thankfully.

Also, the girl... That girl. I'm sure she is lovely as sure as I hope that her hair is a bad wig. I've been in enough douchey straight bars to know what a hot, trendy, Dallas girl looks like, and NONE of them would be caught dead with that huge, over the top curly hair. It is is exactly how I imagine all the little girls on Toddlers & Tiaras to look like when they grow up... with serious Daddy issues and very little personality.

To anyone who might think the Southern charm star is a dreamboat, I hate to be the iceberg to your Titanic, but I've seen him in person and the camera lies. I mean, watching I caught myself getting moderately Bambi-eyed, but then my memory kicked in and reminded me of his face-to-face appearance. Thanks, brain. You rock!

The ONLY character I can probably find myself in the same room with without the aid of mind-altering prescription drugs is the same character I'm pretty sure tweeted me last night during my drunken Twitter rant on how bad this show was.

James, heavy drinking, tears, and a drag queen bestie? Yes, schma'am.

Finally, I'm sure these people are all adequate human beings, but the camera changes you. Sometimes it makes you look more attractive than you actually are. Other times it makes you look like the epitome of a bad gay stereotype that makes most middle-Americans not want dudes to marry other dudes.

But that's Reality TV for you, I guess. I find anytime someone even mentions ANY of the Real Housewives of Any City, I want to repeal the 19th amendment. I just hope the public basic cable actions of the few doesn't alter the already close-minded view of the many.

In other words: not all gay men act like this. I mean if they did, what options would I be left with? I couldn't turn straight... So... I'd probably just become a lesbian... or find a really tall bridge.


Shane Pilgrim said...

I've often found that most media portrayals of minority populations (homosexual, ethnic minority, etc) are always stereotypical. Even when they do their best to avoid stereotypes, they can't avoid it. And you know why? Because normal people don't make good TV. If these guys on the A List didn't fulfill stereotypes then the show would be boring to the mass majority of Americans. The same can be sad for most character archetypes. We don't want to see normal; we want to see extremes. And if the population these people represent are offended...well, screw them. It's sad, isn't it?

Also, I really enjoyed your drunken Twitter rant. It was hilarious.


John said...

Drunken twitter rants are my favorite! Well, that and tweeting Kelly Clarkson about stabbing people.

I know people don't want to watch normal people, but why does it have to be such negative drama?! Why not show a bunch of hot gay guys drink too much, make bad decisions, and let FUN drama unfold.

I mean I want to see a sassy gay guy punch a police horse and puke on his fag hag. Is that too much to ask!?!?

Brandon Hillhouse said...

First John….a little harsh. A couple of them have been friends for years and I know to very sweet guys. And I met Ashley a few times and she’s sweet too. The rest I probably won’t hang out with….and I hang out with you so that tells you how low my bar is set. Yes it’s campy, and drama, and total stereotypical…but that’s what people want. Just like Jerry Springer…you can’t look away...and it's a TV, a business, it's there to make money. But I also agree your idea for a show would be a lot of fun. I think it’s in the works….called ‘That’s So Mohammed’ And sorry if you felt raped at our party. I wasn’t aware, and have a strict rule that the only people who should feel raped around me, are the ones I’m raping. So next time just tell me and I’ll make sure your rapes are physical and mental. ;)

John said...

I honestly have nothing against these people. I can't say I wouldn't be inclined to grab my 15 minutes of fame if given the opportunity.

I just hate how gays and Dallas are being portrayed. Again, where is the FUN!?!? Drama is not fun. Sure people watch it, but I'm people and I want to see ridiculous, drunken fun with a dash of drama.

Also, cast people FROM Dallas or people that are actually representative of the city.

Rai said...

Ha! This is fantastic.

Erin likes it hot. said...

If you decide to go lesbo, I would totally date you. You'd be an agressive bottom, right? ;)
Cuz if you're a top that would make us more hetro than I would be comfortable with.

Lorraine said...

I heard some coworkers talking about this the day after it aired and their comments were so annoying, I knew that I never wanted to watch this show.

Then again, I'm not much for reality TV anyways.


Matt Hinson said...

John, I was also completely BLOWN away with some editing I saw recently.

I'm not name dropping or bragging in any way and am only mentioning this as it pertains to my story, but I filmed a couple times with these guys and once specifically with Chase for a date "scene."
Weeks later he invited me to be his +1 to Levi's party. I drove him there and we left together, but while I was talking to a producer inside, Chase and Levi were apparently outside making out and driving away in a mysterious convertible that neither of them actually own.

I get it; it's TV and apparently making out with cast-mates=great ratings? But I was absolutely dumbfounded that this all transpired with out my knowledge and I've let Chase know I was shocked that I wasn't informed.

When you're someone's plus one, it's not really appropriate to go make out w someone else and not inform the person that . . . well, suffice to say you're leaving with . . . I also don't own a convertible, btw. Sheesh.