me are helen keller.

So, the other day I was in a muddled state of mind. It was the Sunday afternoon following a night of Halloween shenanigans. I wasn’t just beside myself, I was actually a few seats over from myself, because I lacked a shower, had a slight, at best, grasp on any level of hand-eye coordination, and looked like the first 10 minutes of Saving Private Ryan. Anyway, I picked up some food and decided I needed to go to rent a movie and reconcile myself to a couch.

Since the Blockbuster near my house closed and driving to Uptown was probably not a good idea for pedestrians everywhere, I found myself at a Red Box. I literally stared at it for about 8 minutes before I gave up. How do these things work? I was so intimidated by the machine I just walked away and told myself there wasn’t anything worth watching. I’ve seen children, poor people, and what looked like past contestants of the Jerry Springer Show at these things navigate the touch screen and walk away happy with no problem. I first thought, what lender gave these people credit cards? Then I thought, if they can do it, surely I can. Not so.

Simply put, I hate trying new things. I’m a (magnificent) creature of habit and repetition who enjoys being right. So, when I’m thrown into situations that are seemingly simple, but I have absolutely prior knowledge to, bad things happen. The first time I actually had to take my car in to get the oil changed, I think I cried. I don’t know what kind of oil I want. I just wanted to walk in say ‘oil change’ and have absolutely no follow-up questions to which I have no answers. I would like to think I’m a smart, resourceful person. But one of my favorite resources is a subject matter expert.

I made it through college with a stellar GPA, not because I worked hard or studied a lot, it’s because I went to every class with very few exceptions, if any. If I went and was able to hear my professors and probe them for further explanation, I would learn. I took an online English course during a summer session, and this is where I got my first B (and that B was almost a C). I am the worst self-taught person ever. When I started my job, I had to study two giant books on securities, regulations, and other crap I don’t really use. The first time I took the 7, I failed it. I don’t even like to look things up myself. Sure, I can Google answers to my simplest questions, but if you explain it to me, I’ll probably remember it longer/forever!

I need instruction, assistance, and someone with firsthand experience holding mine. Seriously, I if I don’t know what I’m doing I’ll be the first to admit I am Helen Keller desperately seeking my Annie Sullivan.