Dear John,

I know I’ve posted about this before in the past, but this is a subject near and dear to my heart. I get pretty worked up about it and remain upset and confused (like the end the Empire Strikes Back.) Anyway, studies show that the average person spends about 8.43% of his or her life in the bathroom. So, my question is, what is it about a bathroom that makes people so disgusting?!?! PS – by “studies” I mean, I made up that statistic to sound more credible during my rant.

I work in a nice office. I am pretty sure I am one of the youngest people that works here and our bathrooms have no public access. So, why would a restroom being used by ‘adults’ (and I use that term loosely), be so filthy? I don’t know how many times I’ve walked into a stall with someone’s leftovers loitering like youths at a strip mall. I like a clean workspace so your failure to courtesy flush offends me. Also, I know that no ladies are using this room, but you still need to lift and lower the toilet seat (yet another, clean workspace issue). It literally offends me that some of my colleagues are as little concerned with bathroom etiquette as they clearly are with their appearance, weight, personal hygiene, and, more often than not, work ethic.

Also, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, “wash your hands.” There are individuals (some in upper management) whose lack of hand washing is as out of control as the NBA tattoo situation. I mean, when I was 8 I didn’t pay much attention to it, and I’m not gonna lie, if I stumble out of bed at 3 in the morning I usually do not wash my hands, but that’s a race horse of a different color.

Finally, the bathroom is no place for small talk. This is my time… MY TIME! It’s like an exaggerated elevator principle. Can I get some Muzak up in this joint? I don’t want to talk to you or be talked to. I just wanna do my business and get back to business without having to wish a good ‘morrow in the John. I don’t have a shy bladder or anything, but it’s just not a comfortable space for me to be in. I’ve seen people hold long, business oriented conversations with bait and tackle in hand. Really?! Is there anything ok about that picture? No. It’s like a woman voting or speaking out of turn.

Respect the bathroom.