Remember when I was mentally raped a few weeks ago when I was at a birthday party that ended up being a filming of LOGO's new reality show, The A-List: Dallas. No? Well, consider yourself lucky.
Anyway, the very first episode aired last night... For shame gays. For. Shame.
I was a bottle and a half of wine into my night, so at this point you probably could have made me watch Dora The Explorer and for the first time, I wouldn't have violently refused to 'flap my arms like a bird' or 'jump in the air' when that bossy little Mexican barks her orders.
This buzz mixed with my dramatically low expectations probably had all the makings of some excellent guilty pleasure television. However, I found myself physically offended by their depiction of Dallas and gay men. I felt exactly like the Orcs after The Lord Of The Rings came out...
So, much of the cast is easily forgettable, not very attractive, and bloated stereotypes of materialistic, bitchy homos. I've spent about as much time researching the minutiae of this show as I have spent pursuing my career in women's basketball, so I may not be 100% correct in saying that not all of these fags are even from Dallas... thankfully.
Also, the girl... That girl. I'm sure she is lovely as sure as I hope that her hair is a bad wig. I've been in enough douchey straight bars to know what a hot, trendy, Dallas girl looks like, and NONE of them would be caught dead with that huge, over the top curly hair. It is is exactly how I imagine all the little girls on Toddlers & Tiaras to look like when they grow up... with serious Daddy issues and very little personality.
To anyone who might think the Southern charm star is a dreamboat, I hate to be the iceberg to your Titanic, but I've seen him in person and the camera lies. I mean, watching I caught myself getting moderately Bambi-eyed, but then my memory kicked in and reminded me of his face-to-face appearance. Thanks, brain. You rock!
The ONLY character I can probably find myself in the same room with without the aid of mind-altering prescription drugs is the same character I'm pretty sure tweeted me last night during my drunken Twitter rant on how bad this show was.
James, heavy drinking, tears, and a drag queen bestie? Yes, schma'am.
Finally, I'm sure these people are all adequate human beings, but the camera changes you. Sometimes it makes you look more attractive than you actually are. Other times it makes you look like the epitome of a bad gay stereotype that makes most middle-Americans not want dudes to marry other dudes.
But that's Reality TV for you, I guess. I find anytime someone even mentions ANY of the Real Housewives of Any City, I want to repeal the 19th amendment. I just hope the
In other words: not all gay men act like this. I mean if they did, what options would I be left with? I couldn't turn straight... So... I'd probably just become a lesbian... or find a really tall bridge.
