are you ready for some football?!

Facebook statuses, office water-cooler talk, and media airwaves a blaze makes just about anyone with a head realize that football season is in full swing. This fills me with a wide variety of mixed emotions...

This may come as a shock to some of you, but I particularly love football. Well… love could be a bit of a stretch… let’s call it a very strong ‘appreciation.’ I do know the ins and outs of the game (for the most part), and even have a system of favorite teams based on the hotness of the players. I enjoy college ball more than professional because it is more exciting and most of the players haven’t truly achieved the level of douche baggery that plagues professional teams. Yes, I’m looking at you Tom Brady and any receiver that has a victory dance named after you.

He's bringing 'sexy' back, y'all.

That picture aside, I do like football and most sports in general. Do I follow them with the weird quasi-religious fervor usually reserved Trekkies and/or cults that have high monthly dues and end in mass suicides? No. Can I name every position, player, and his personal stats all the way back to when they played high school ball? Absolutely not. Can I play even football?! Probably not, but if I were much larger I think I would want to play center for obvious reasons.

Anyway… all of this actually leads to why I absolutely hate football and/or most professional/popular sports (especially baseball). Those fans. I mean, I think it’s cool to have your passions. I am proud of the random knowledge I know about some of my favorite musical artists, TV shows, and, could be classified as 'Trekkie adjacent.'  But, all of my knowledge of just about anything doesn’t rival the amount of mental energy and time some losers put into miscellaneous sports facts.

In fact, some of the dumbest people I know can easily recall figures, stats, and players about as well as I know no one looks sexy in a Bolo tie. In my personal experience 3 out of 5 of these insane fans don’t look like they could even play a football game (or even watch one for that matter) without getting short of breath. They have beer guts, little to no muscle mass or coordination, and are unfortunate looking at best. I mean, seriously, to be such an avid fan of something, you would think these people have some personal experience in a related field… (and having a Fantasy Football team does NOT count).

Finally, when it comes to college ball, you CANNOT be a die hard fan of a school you didn’t even go to. I’ll throw up a “Wreck ‘em Tech” status update if we’re playing a big game, but I went there and saying I “care” is even a stretch. So, for those of you whose SAT scores didn’t break 1,000 don’t even act like UT football is your bread and butter when that school wouldn’t even have admitted you.

When it comes to sports in general, I’m a lot like a lax-Christian who shows up on Christmas Eve and Easter or an average American who only cares about politics when Presidential elections roll around every 4 years. I know the big key players (e.g. – Jesus, Brett Favre, etc.). I enjoy the big events (e.g. – bowl games, the Rapture, etc.). But for the most part, I could care less about all of the in between.