ladies, i'm done

Hey, ladies! I’m done. I don’t care what you think, but I’m completely done opening doors and doing all the other chivalrous things for you ever again. Other than the fact that it is an archaic tradition that needs to be put to bed and unless they’re good old Southern boys who do it out of habit, red-blooded straight men usually just do this crap to get you into bed.

Why this sudden surge of animosity towards such practices? Well, I’m glad you asked. I was going to work today and when I reached the parking lot a rather unpleasant coworker got out of hers. We proceeded to walk to the entrance to the building and I walked faster and stopped and held the door open for her (as I was already halfway through it). Any normal person would say ‘thank you’ and grab the open door. This lady had the nerve to squeeze through (she’s not tiny) and say ‘excuse me.’ Then we reached another set of doors. Since she walked through first, she sat there stared at the closed door and then looked at me like I was her servant or this was some sort of service I provide. Are you freaking kidding me?!?! Then we get on the elevator with another individual, she walks to the back of the elevator and says, ‘5 please.’

So, like I said, I’m done. Utterly, completely, unadulteratedly done. I’m not hard to get along with, and I am courteous when need be. But I will let that door slam in her face the next time I see her. Unless you have arms overflowing with junk, graciously ask for assistance, or look physically disabled, you better pray those doors are automatic. In closing, just because God gave you a hoo-ha, doesn’t mean he didn’t give you arms.