Unresolved.

New Year’s resolutions are stupid.  There.  I said it.

On the heels of the holiday season gluttony, everyone tries to come up with ways to improve themselves.  A new year means a new me?  No.  I am a firm believe that at this point in my life, I’m pretty much the best version of me I’m ever gonna be.  Not great.  Definitely not perfect.  Let's call it 'good enough.'

Could I watch less TV, spend less money on useless crap, and/or stop using ‘the C word” when driving in traffic with such relish and fervor?  Probably. Will I?  Most. Definitely. Not.

Making up resolutions is just an annual exercise in guilt, shame, and hating yourself every February.  If you haven’t lost the weight, kicked the habit, or learned something new by now based solely on your ability to self-motivate, do you really think a new year will instantly make you want to be a better person?  I doubt it.

This my be really cynical, but I have very little faith in the common person's ability to better themselves, especially if they are merely doing it as part of a yearly craze that sweeps the nation like the Cupid Shuffle at wedding receptions.  The best time to be a better person is when you are ready to nut up and do it, not January 1st, Lent, or any other self-control based tradition.

So, to all of you who make New Year's resolutions, you get my blessing, a ‘good luck,’ and (in 5-7 weeks) a well-intentioned ‘I told ya so!’

Everyone have a wonderful New Year and don't change anything about who you are!

PS - on a somewhat related note, resolutions are also stupid small talk fodder and/or an excuse for backdoor bragging.  The latter you think I would be OK with...

UPDATE - Come February, I'm gonna make a YouTube video with my 'toldyaso' dance so you can send it to everyone you know who reneged on their resolutions.  Keep an eye out.

Why2K?

If you haven’t heard or paid attention to my banner, I want to defeat the Internet.  This has been a dream of mine since the 8^th grade when AOL was awesome, I had a @juno.com email address, and the dial-up connection was about as fast as a geriatric 100 meter three-legged race.

It was the fall of 1999 and the Y2K craze was sweeping the nation.  Crazies storing up canned pork and beans, religious extremist groups more crazy than usual, and one curious/devious 8^th grader was making his first strides towards world domination/destruction.

I haven’t done any retroactive research on the issue, but wasn’t everyone freaked out that computers would go all Courtney Love and not work with the ‘00’ year?  I guess I don’t really remember, but my 8^th grade self understood it this way…

So, I sat down at the family computer and set the fake date and time to December 31^st, 1999 11:59 PM.  I waited for what felt like forever for my computer to explode, destroy the Internet, and/or turn into a Transformer and battle axe me.  

Tick.

Tock.

Nothing.

I sat back and was rest assured that my Armageddon dry run would make the new millennium smiles times all around.  While a part of me was relieved, a bigger part of me was disappointed that I didn't end it all...

Coming up on 2011, I still have a deep, burning desire to defeat the Internet.  If you haven’t checked out the ‘About Me’ section above and are too lazy to see it I’ll say it here.  I want to defeat the Internet.  See picture:

Hopefully, by the end of 2011, I’ll hope to be a famous writer/blogger who can work from home in my underpants and eat bacon all day.

Or my Plan B is winning Top Chef regardless of the fact I have never had any formal culinary training…