Ok, first of all, if you’re reading this (hopefully) I would urge you to make a quick scroll down to the previous blog. Doing so will ensure a better understanding of this posting and a better glimpse into one of the reasons I consider myself blessed.
I have recently realized that when it comes to my ‘fresh’ outlook on life and all the complications therein, my father is best described as sandpaper. No, he’s not brittle, rough, and abrasive. If anyone has ever dealt with wood working, you understand the true purpose of sandpaper. It does not truly alter the essence/structure of the wood, but improves it. Likewise, my father has never tried to drastically alter my views (no matter how extreme), but he has smoothed the edges of my more drastic views to reflect a bit more wisdom beyond my years and a more passive/understanding understanding of a larger picture.
Yes, I was very upset when writing my previous post. Dad, in all his wisdom, didn’t drastically disagree with most of my views, but offered an additional perspective on my anger as well as a bit of fact checking on my rant. Much of this post will be excerpts from an email I will remember for the rest of my life…
“ First of all, God has given you a truly amazing gift with words - and for what it's worth, I'm truly thankful that they are English words and not Korean! Amazing how we end up being what God has designed us to be, and also where he has designed us to be...
I also appreciate your choosing, in such an angry state, to not be too "colorful" in your language. Although I suppose learning how to "crap gold” or "suck it James Dobson" gets mighty close to colorful... How ever does your mind work?
The Lord has chosen to use you to change and reframe some of my thinking, and it is for certain that I could never be more proud to be your dad.
Now to the subject of James Dobson - I'm not sure you can believe everything that you read on the Internet about him. I do know that Dobson supports "Exodus", and I have personally heard the director of Exodus say there are only 2 reasons a person would be homosexual: 1) weak ineffective father 2) having been molested sexually at some point in life. While that might be true in some cases, particularly for some who are "confused" about their sexuality, or who are choosing to play around with alternate lifestyles, we certainly know it is not true in your case. And frankly it makes me also quite angry when such leaders make blanket statements.
Now Dobson has been quite vocal about homosexual lifestyles that are decadent, sinful, and dangerous - even as he has also been vocal about such things among heterosexuals. It does, though, seem the greater condemnation has been pointed at homosexuals.
Also, Dobson does NOT get rich from his ministry (unlike so many other TV evangelists). He takes no salary from "Focus on the Family". Money from all books he's written for the ministry or in any way advertised by the ministry goes directly back into "Focus on the Family". He honestly cares about anyone making poor life choices that results in broken families, AIDS, aborted children, drug ridden homes, etc. He's written a number off things that have personally helped me. Unfortunately I think there is a great deal he doesn't understand about this particular subject. I'm sure if you were his son, God could show him some things that would cause him to rethink some of the things he says. For that matter, if you're careful to not show too much anger (so that folks turn you off), I think God can use you to help a number of folks!
I know you tend to make rather dramatic statements to get your point across, but you have to understand that statements like "I would rather burn in Hell than share an inch of paradise with them", well, that is pretty strong. The reality is that Heaven will be filled with all kinds of characters. I know there will be Lutherans dumfounded at all the Catholics and Baptists that are there. And to refer to your previous statement "more empty than a Baptist dancehall,” well there will be a number of Baptists that wonder what us drinking, dancing Lutherans are doing there. This dialogue will continue. As you will continue to be a son that I love very much! Dad”
So, that was bit more of a carbon copy than an excerpt, but those words just prove my point. However, I could only hope someday to trade some more of my ‘colorful’ rhetoric for the ability to convey reason and wisdom as effortlessly as the man I call ‘dad.’
After reading this email and reflecting on my anger for more than 5 minutes, I would like to say that I simply am tired of the myriad of individuals who are driven by ignorance and self-righteousness that continue to tell me that I’m a square kind of guy in a round world. My heart also breaks for other 'square' individuals that aren't as fortunate as me to have such a support system (read email above). If it weren't for my amazing family, I would have probably resorted to drugs, alcohol, sex, and/or suicide to cope with the tsunami of stupid. You know, I might not ever change the minds of certain people, but blogging about it sure relieves some of my fury.
PS - I hardly ever get on my 'gay soap box,' so don't expect too many of these blogs in the future...
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Life in 3D
*Please consider this a warning that I am writing out of pure, unadulterated anger in response to a statement by James Dobson. If you know me, you know that this is a pretty dangerous state to find me in. So, be prepared and forewarned about what you are about to read. There is no swearing (I know a few ladies who read this, who would like to remain ladies.) That being said…
I would like to talk about 3 things: dreams, dads, and dignity.
From a young tender age we dream. We wonder about what we’ll grow up to be and what great things we want to accomplish throughout the course of a lifetime. However, there are plenty of things that are never dreamed about, they are more like nightmares. When I was a kid, I didn’t hope to live a lifestyle that was hated by a majority of society. I didn’t grow up eager that someday I would be dragged behind a truckload of rednecks and murdered for who I love. I rarely thought gosh, wouldn’t it be neat that someday I would hate who I was and how I loved so much that I would sooner stick my head in an oven than wake up another day in a world that despises me? I certainly didn’t hope that the telling of one of my most personal secrets could possibly rip my family at the seams and cause me to lose those I loved like family. Now, none of these things has happened, but because of people Dr. Dobson and his ilk, they sure were in the back of my mind growing up, along with all the other ‘dreams.’ The fact that I would CHOOSE a future with any of these as even a remote possibility is as twisted as it is laughable.
I suppose the statement that upset me the most was his finger pointing at dads. If you have ever met my father, you were in the presence of greatness in every sense of the word. Dobson’s statements that homosexuality is rooted in a lack of a proper father figure are both an insult to my father, my admiration for the man he is (and I hope to be), and me. I quote, “it is the responsibility of a father to raise his son to be a "man", and to encourage his son's masculinity.” Somehow masculine is supposed to be equivocal to straight. Unfortunately, not all gay or straight people can be boiled down to a stereotype you stupid waste of a human being. I know plenty of straight guys who hate football, beer, and/or any other stereotypical masculine activity. I also know plenty of ‘homos’ who are more masculine than most straight guys out there. Being straight doesn’t automatically make you a dark beer drinking, lumberjack, and the gay membership doesn’t necessarily come with Madonna tickets and glitter body lotion. He also Plus, there are countless gay men who come from perfectly functional, Brady-esq families. There are also tons of straight guys whose families could appear on multiple episodes of Jerry Springer. Suck it James Dobson!
One of the most important ideals I cling to is dignity. Dobson supports many groups that are aimed at ‘converting’ gay men. I can’t speak for everyone, but that would be like asking me to learn how to start crapping gold. I personally believe that many of these ‘success-stories’ are men just fooling themselves into social complacency. I would rather live 10,000,000 lifetimes a gay man who can hold his head high, than live 1 second as a self-hating liar. Also, in many of his statements, Dobson seems to equate homosexuality with sexual perversion. The last time I checked I have yet to molest a child, screw a goat/family member, or have simultaneous sex with multiple individuals. Furthermore, are you really saying that a straight man would never rape, molest, or conduct in any other kind of ‘perversion?’
Everyone always asks why do bad things happen to good people? But, why do good things happen to bad people? He may not be teaching hate like so many other groups, but his stance on homosexuality and its origins is based in some pseudo-psychology and supposed 'compassionate' standpoint. But, statements like these from social and spiritual leaders who get rich leading others to so-called righteous lifestyles make me want to denounce my God and His followers like Dobson cause I would rather burn in Hell than share an inch of paradise with them. We’re all imperfect people living imperfect lives! Why not focus on teaching love, compassion, acceptance, and looking through nonjudgmental eyes?! Didn’t some guy a long time ago do that?
I would like to talk about 3 things: dreams, dads, and dignity.
From a young tender age we dream. We wonder about what we’ll grow up to be and what great things we want to accomplish throughout the course of a lifetime. However, there are plenty of things that are never dreamed about, they are more like nightmares. When I was a kid, I didn’t hope to live a lifestyle that was hated by a majority of society. I didn’t grow up eager that someday I would be dragged behind a truckload of rednecks and murdered for who I love. I rarely thought gosh, wouldn’t it be neat that someday I would hate who I was and how I loved so much that I would sooner stick my head in an oven than wake up another day in a world that despises me? I certainly didn’t hope that the telling of one of my most personal secrets could possibly rip my family at the seams and cause me to lose those I loved like family. Now, none of these things has happened, but because of people Dr. Dobson and his ilk, they sure were in the back of my mind growing up, along with all the other ‘dreams.’ The fact that I would CHOOSE a future with any of these as even a remote possibility is as twisted as it is laughable.
I suppose the statement that upset me the most was his finger pointing at dads. If you have ever met my father, you were in the presence of greatness in every sense of the word. Dobson’s statements that homosexuality is rooted in a lack of a proper father figure are both an insult to my father, my admiration for the man he is (and I hope to be), and me. I quote, “it is the responsibility of a father to raise his son to be a "man", and to encourage his son's masculinity.” Somehow masculine is supposed to be equivocal to straight. Unfortunately, not all gay or straight people can be boiled down to a stereotype you stupid waste of a human being. I know plenty of straight guys who hate football, beer, and/or any other stereotypical masculine activity. I also know plenty of ‘homos’ who are more masculine than most straight guys out there. Being straight doesn’t automatically make you a dark beer drinking, lumberjack, and the gay membership doesn’t necessarily come with Madonna tickets and glitter body lotion. He also Plus, there are countless gay men who come from perfectly functional, Brady-esq families. There are also tons of straight guys whose families could appear on multiple episodes of Jerry Springer. Suck it James Dobson!
One of the most important ideals I cling to is dignity. Dobson supports many groups that are aimed at ‘converting’ gay men. I can’t speak for everyone, but that would be like asking me to learn how to start crapping gold. I personally believe that many of these ‘success-stories’ are men just fooling themselves into social complacency. I would rather live 10,000,000 lifetimes a gay man who can hold his head high, than live 1 second as a self-hating liar. Also, in many of his statements, Dobson seems to equate homosexuality with sexual perversion. The last time I checked I have yet to molest a child, screw a goat/family member, or have simultaneous sex with multiple individuals. Furthermore, are you really saying that a straight man would never rape, molest, or conduct in any other kind of ‘perversion?’
Everyone always asks why do bad things happen to good people? But, why do good things happen to bad people? He may not be teaching hate like so many other groups, but his stance on homosexuality and its origins is based in some pseudo-psychology and supposed 'compassionate' standpoint. But, statements like these from social and spiritual leaders who get rich leading others to so-called righteous lifestyles make me want to denounce my God and His followers like Dobson cause I would rather burn in Hell than share an inch of paradise with them. We’re all imperfect people living imperfect lives! Why not focus on teaching love, compassion, acceptance, and looking through nonjudgmental eyes?! Didn’t some guy a long time ago do that?
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